By most people’s account, my journey to health has been an incredible success. I’ve lost 90 pounds in just under seven months, I’ve reversed three potentially life-threatening health problems, strengthened my mental health and I’ve made tremendous gains in strength, stamina and fitness.
Yet I feel like a total failure.
I compare myself to the incredibly strong men at the gym, although I know that men and women are vastly different and it’s a completely unfair comparison and one which I should absolutely not make. More importantly, I compare myself to the other women at my gym. There are no unfit women at the gym. Gyms are not for the weak. There are no overweight, struggling, saggy, weak women in the place I visit every day. Except for me.
The women I see there are mostly young, with perfect bodies. Now, that ship has long sailed for me as the effects of gravity and age have taken over, and I don’t expect a perfect body. But I want to be strong…and they are strong. Incredibly strong. Mostly, they are my ideal that I admire and look up to for inspiration and motivation, but it is also mentally damaging.
Logically my mind knows they’ve been at this longer than me, in most cases years longer than me, and I’ve only been at it a few months. Of course they’re stronger and more fit than I am! Yet my mind constantly compares and criticizes. It’s almost impossible not to. No one talks about this part of fitness and weight loss but it’s very real.
My goal for 2020 is to become as strong as possible, physically, mentally and emotionally. But my most important goal is to learn how to stop comparing myself to others, to really understand that my journey is not theirs, that I am just as capable as anyone else and that one day, I will reach my goal of amazing physical strength!
My Journey to Health 